Ain't No Rest for the Wicked

Note:  This post was originally written in May of 2012.  I misplaced it somehow and it never made the blog during it's most appropriate time.  I managed to accomplish two of the five goals listed...  I could have done better.

Cage the Elephant sings a song Ain't No Rest for the Wicked.  The following line of the courus goes money don't go on trees.

Yesterday marked the end of my first year of doctoral coursework.  I admit, I am relieved.

I have heard mixed reviews about what lies ahead.  Equal numbers of folks have told me that the first and second year are most difficult.  Given that there are only two years of course work, this matches what mathematicians would tell me are odds.  I have no idea what my experience with future course work will feel like, but I know I will not let my guard down and will prepare for a rough experience and expect the best.

In the mean time I have three weeks of "freedom." I plan to catch up on reading, run as much as I can, and enjoy the downtime.  I will probably also blog more than usual, so that is either a good or a bad thing depending on how closely you read.  I am certain by the time coursework resumes, I will be ready.

My summer bucket list:

1) Ride my bike to work (20 miles one way).  I am mostly scared of biking on the road... Is that weird?
2) Prepare to run a marathon in August.
3) Run three half marathons by August. (The physical challenges support my quest to gain zero pounds during doctoral study, but also support my emotional balance through cardio work)
4) Read fun things.  Listening to great things counts too.
5) Ride a horse.  I think horse racing is fascinating, I would like to know what makes it auxilleratzing.

Remember that what lies ahead might be a challenge but it is worth every minute.

Second Year Slump?

I know just enough to be disgruntled, but not enough to be dangerous.

I have started of the second year of my doctoral program with less enthusiasm than I had hoped for.  It took me several weeks to get to the bottom of what the reasons might be.  Here are the conclusions I have arrived at:

1. I am far enough into the program to feel proud of my progress, but have too much remaining to get overly excited.  This is just a reminder to keep my head down, and keep pushing forward until the light at the end of the graduation tunnel is closer.  Only two more years to go.
2. I have learned a great deal about how to be critical of many things: written materials, my own writing, the writing of others, processes, organizational structures, systemic privilege, APA, in addition to others, yet I do not feel as though I know enough to yet make positive change.  This point was articulated, perhaps ignited, by one of my professors today who was discussing keys to social justice training.  Her comments included the necessity to equip persons who are becoming aware of prejudice and privilege to also be equipped with tools to be an advocate and igniter of social change (Broido, 2012).   The advocacy tools are key to a person not getting bogged down in the disparity of privilege and challenging social structures.  While, I do not admit that the emotional realizations of doctoral study are nearly as emotionally salient as those of social justice training I do feel like the processing is similar.  I too need to continue to dive into my course materials and additional readings to further equip myself as a change agent on behalf of the higher education issues, and opportunities the academic opportunities afforded to me have uncovered.
3. On a personal note, I have slipped from my exercise regiment more than I would like to have.  That too is likely contributing to this hiccup and is a reminder to keep to my personal commitments.

By the end of this program I hope that my words are reversed, and that I “know enough to be dangerous and know better than to be disgruntled.”  In this sense I can be an active participant in change, and use that perspective to remain more optimistic that I am currently.

Remember that what lies ahead might be a challenge but it is worth every minute.

Blogging about Blogging

I have now blogged for an entire academic year (sort of).  I admit, I have enjoyed the process a great deal.  Regardless of whether people even look at this blog, I am a firm believer in reflection and this blog has been a great accountability measure for reflection.  This post is dedicated to the things I have learned about myself, and blogging since I started this process.  Hopefully there is a nugget of value for you too.

Here are my thoughts on blogging after a full year:

1. I tried to be too "official" at first.  If any of you have read my first few posts I wrote in very scientific research like ways trying to justify my thoughts.  I admit that this could make my thoughts more palatable to some, but as an exercise in free flowing thought (the purpose of blogging I suppose) there was little looseness in my style.  Over time this changed the way I thought about the blog, and hurt the process and the outcome.
2. Pressure to produce a great product hurt me producing any product.  At first I was worried about posts that would make people proud and inspire deep thought.  Looking back I assumed people would care more than I should.  Don't get me wrong I appreciate the time every person who is reading these words puts into reading them.  I just know that the reason I write is to help challenging my thinking, and the reason you all read is that you are looking for similar thought provoking (at least I hope) ideas or you care enough about me to give up five minutes of your day to hear me out.  Now that I have put to rest the pressures of quality (or tried) I feel more free to write what I really think.  Over time this will ideally produce a better overall result.  As one of my favorite movie lines goes "the key to writing is to write" (from Finding Forrester).  Now I think I have a better grasp on that.  Hopefully, you as readers will get better reading as a result of this new perspective and a better return on investment.
3. Remembering why I started has helped bring me back to blogging.  As a counseling student we were told time and time again the value of reflection.  At the time I did not give this thought as much credit as I should have.  Reflection is really the core of what makes life and vulnerability  worth it.  Now as a student who studies learning I again interact with reflection as a core component in a different but again valuable way.  Learning is far more effective and long lasting with reflection.  Now that relfection has been brought to my attention more times than it should be (only twice, which is more than it should have been), I am committed to it.  Reflection here I come.  
4. I know that the future will not be like the present.  Recently I have been dedicated more time to blogging than I have throughout the last few months.  I know that there will be time throughout the future months that I will likely write in similar streaks.  Embracing those streaks will make for a better experience.  Life is not always like clockwork, so the reality check is going to be good for me.  I plan to commit the time I can to this blog understanding the rich value it has.  The rest is a bonus.
5. Guilt is an odd and beautiful thing.  I find as I have written even this blog post that guilt has changed how I write, and how I feel about writing.  Throughout the two semesters this year there have always been other things that I could have written instead of this blog.  Guilt at times kept me from writing or even thinking about writing.  Guilt also kept me focused in times I probably needed it most (even if blog writing was not an output).  A balance of the two worlds is likely possible, and my quest over the remainder of my graduate career (and life after for that matter) is to try to find that balance.
6. Writing for even one reader makes it that much more fun.  Sherry Turkle, a faculty member at Massachusetts Institute of Technology writes a lot about human and technology interaction.  In her recent book Alone Together she discusses how the plethora of technology at our finger tips today has the potential to isolate humans from each other as much, if not more, than prior human history.  I agree with Turkle for the most part.  I think that the more we text each other and chat online, the more isolated we will feel over time.  Even the human voice over the phone has tremendous emotional value over text.  All this being said, I think technology has motivated my learning and reflection as a blogger.  Blogging is a funny thing.  In reality, I think that a blogger should write expecting only expecting their eyes to see their posts.  Ideally, one reader will attentively read a bloggers words and take a small nugget of knowledge that lightens or deepens their life.  This is where I separate from Turkle.  If one person reads what I write, and there is even the smallest bit of truth that resonates with that reader I am much more motivated to continue.  The effort of the one reader motivates a writer a substantial amount.  This idea might even break economics a bit (see prior posts).  A small demand might motivate a greater blogger supply.  This is the gem of blogging.  Passion is fueled by a minimal response.  That response is of great validation and can fortify the need to pursue blogging for all the wonderful and odd reasons listed above.  Perhaps Turke's thesis is right on, if I write this blog hoping that one person reads it the two of us are "alone together" but for me the motivation of writing with the thought that one other person will read it puts a solid expectation on me that is worth greater pursuit.  I gain by putting greater pressure on myself to think differently and try to articulate that though, and I hope at least one other person does too.  With this under my belt I will likely never be alone.  I will always be alone, together with someone else.

Thank you to those who have read and been patient with me this year.  I truly appreciate it.  Here is two more years of equally deep, if not deeper, learning for all of us.

Remember that what lies ahead might be a challenge but it is worth every minute.

Defense Against the Dark Arts

Today I had the opportunity to meet a person who has literally changed the scope of education for millions of people.  When we were loaded into the car, headed to lunch she asked if a fellow doctoral student and I were willing to accept some advice.  Clearly we were open to it.

In the Harry Potter series there is a course called Defense Against the Dark Arts.  This course is designed to prepare wizard students against sudden death, and dangerous situations.  As doctoral students prepare for oral prelims and dissertation defenses there is similar advice that crosses our paths for consideration.  By no means do I think any faculty would ever intentionally be difficult, but being prepared is worth consideration.

The advice that was shared with me today related to defenses, mostly dissertation defenses, but there is value across the board.

1. No one, not even your advisor knows your research like you do.  So you have that in your corner.  Just be prepared, and know that you have done the best you can up to your defense.
2. By the time you defend you're prepared to defend a dissertation there is little chance that faculty will fail you.  They have invested too much energy and time in you to let you fall so late in the process.  Also, there have been many other chances to catch your falls along the way.  This means ideally few surprises should remain.  If you are prepared to accept feedback, and have done your prep work all should be well.
3. Sometimes there will be simple questions just to show that the members have read your dissertation carefully.  This is a natural thing.  Just take the feedback in stride. 
4. If a faculty member has a suggestion that you had not considered but is if value, a response of "that is room for future research" may suffice.  
5. Select your committee carefully.  Dynamics between faculty members can make a defense more challenging.  If two faculty members have disagreement with each other that could make a defense more difficult than necessary and that could have little to do with any of your work.  If your topic requires faculty with a past you might not have choice.  But consider avoiding a conflict filled committee if possible.  Talking to an advisor could begin to clear this up some.

I will not defend for over two years, but I am grateful for all of the food for thought that I get along the way.  Our lunch date today was insightful and I am grateful for the thoughtful feedback.

Remember that what lies ahead might be a challenge but it is worth every minute.

Wisdom of the Phoenix

The phoenix, a mythological bird has had many fictional revivals of late.  Most notably in the Harry Potter book series.  For those who are not familiar, the phoenix is a mythical bird that in the end of its life bursts into flames until it is only ash and then hatches anew, young and refreshed.  This bird resonates with me in its power to rebuild itself.  I feel like as humans we do this in a less literal sense all the time.  Growing, and evolving, each time renewed as a different version of ourselves.  I like to think that this regeneration is one of the more enjoyable pursuits in life.  This fact is probably why I love graduate school, and running as much as I do.  There is so much learning and growing involved in both.

Graduate school has many cycles of regeneration.  Each breaking down ways of thinking, and perspective to build new.  This process is sometimes short, and other times long.  I would argue that this rebuilding is the one of the most challenging adjustments to graduate work, and one of the most important emotional preparations for success.  The sooner each of us can prepare to embrace the regenerative properties of graduate study the more quickly we can succeed.  The truth of the matter is, there is a great deal of rich feedback available in graduate work and the most successful students find ways to learn from that feedback more quickly and deeply.

I admit this adjustment has been a process for me.  The key from my processing thus far is grappling with the fact that feedback is not personal.  This sounds simple, but piled on with the other emotional adjustments involved in graduate work it becomes more complicated.  Faculty have the courage (sometimes more gracefully than others) to give us feedback to challenge our thinking and encourage our growth.  Even harsh feedback is sent from a place of investment in our growth.  As I write this I find it a hard concept to fully accept, but I do believe it to be true.  This post is a personal accountability to that line of thinking.

One thing that I know is a certainty from my research in teaching pedagogy and learning is that feedback and reflection are keys to learning.  Having the courage to foster feedback (even if it is rough) is critical to the learning that graduate study requires and should promote.  In time with feedback we can be remade into something better and fresh much like a refreshed phoenix.

Remember that what lies ahead might be a challenge but it is worth every minute.

The Best Offense

In sports there is a cliche that goes, "the best offense is a good defense."  In athletic context this is intended to describe the patience and lack of flash needed to win consistently in sports if a team pays attention to detail and has discipline.  Today I saw a different type of defense, a doctoral dissertation defense.  This defense required a completely different type of offense.

I would contend that successful doctoral study always involves keeping the end in mind.  This means that preparation for successful dissertation writing and defense should be a part of planning throughout graduate study.  This "offensive" proactive approach will contribute therein likely contribute to a good dissertation defense.  To me, having just seen my first defense there are some offensive strategies I plan to consider.  I am sure over time these will evolve and grow.

1. Get to know the faculty and how they respond to dissertations.  Each faculty member reviews and critiques dissertations differently.  Understanding which of their assets and approaches compliment and improve your work is important.  Attending dissertation defenses is a way to watch dynamics a unfold to better inform committee decisions.
2. With knowledge of consideration number one, I am going to make and effort to see all of the faculty in my department participate in a defense.  This will help me up my total knowledge of how they participate within a committee and how they might best positively challenge and push my work.

I am grateful that I took the opportunity to see a defense at this stage of my study.  I find myself more focused and aware of what the end goal is.  A focus that can only help my continued progress.

Remember that what lies ahead might be a challenge but it is worth every minute.

Why a Noun?

Several years ago I was asked (read honored) to give a keynote address to a group of students who were committed to developing as leaders at various two year colleges throughout Wisconsin.  For that speech I wanted to come up with a concise and simple way to describe the power of leadership, and the concept that came to me was the noun.  A noun as we all learned early on in our educational career is a person, place, thing or idea (ideas were added after my first experience with nouns).  To me the noun is a perfect metaphor for leadership because leadership is about people, places, things, and ideas that can challenge us, make us think, smile, and all around make us better people.


I cannot help but wonder now looking back how appropriate an example nouns to graduate school as well.  There are so many people that I am greatly indebted to, places that inspire and motive me, things that I have been afforded to do, and ideas that keep me up at night with excitement.  Too often I forget about these things because graduate school gets the best of me.  I am too caught up in what is happening now, and what needs to happen later to really appreciate how great and inspiring graduate school really is.  I hope this thought does not leave me so easily this time around.  I could use the inspiration sometimes, and I need to remember that it is all around just like nouns are all around us, in our speech, in our writing, and in everything we read.  Nouns too are in all around us in the people, places, things, and ideas that inspire us and remind us what is great about life (and even graduate school).  I am glad to be reconnected with my nouns, I hope you I hope you find a few nouns around too.


Remember that what lies ahead might be a challenge but it is worth every minute.

Economics

I hate to admit it, but my college economics professor was right.  Economics is all around us.  To me theories of economics find their relevance in my evaluation of time and effective use of the limited amounts of it within a graduate program.  Prior to enrolling as a full-time doctoral student I used to have a professional life.  A life that allowed me to volunteer for things, serve on committees, and engage in a variety of campus initiatives and community activities.  Throughout my first year it has been an adjustment to feel this change and its impact on my sense of belonging at my graduate assistantship.  At first, there were transitions associated with finding fit in a new place.  This adjustment takes time to network and find resources that are a good fit to appropriate use of professional skills.  In time more opportunities surface that are helpful, and contribute to both my personal professional growth but back to the institution and field.  I cannot lie, it is a good feeling to get back into that swing some.  In time, I like many other students and professionals in the field of student affairs found more areas of interest than there was time in the day.  This led me to think carefully about how to allocate time to best broaden my learning, while being of service to my institution and the greater good of higher education.  This cost benefit analysis has resulted in a model to inform my personal decision making.  


This model includes three options:

1. Lose, lose.  Taking on more than is manageable, ending up overwhelmed and with sacrificed quality overall.  This is possible, particularly if  the transition away from professional life and the active quest for new valuable experiences.  Being patient for good opportunities and being careful to 
2. Win, lose. Giving up something good for something better.  This is where I spend most of my time thinking, and I am sure other folks do to.  There are so many great opportunities to serve and learn that time and appropriate effort need to be carefully evaluated before adding or considering anything new.
3. Win, win. Intentional constructive networking and that contributes positively to an institutional initiative while challenging professional growth and learning.  This is ideal, but in moderation (refer to lose, lose).

While each of us have experience with making difficult decisions like this doctoral programs are different and challenge norms and ways of thinking.  With careful, realistic thought good decisions can be made that do not compromise academic work or sanity during graduate work.  


Remember that what lies ahead might be a challenge but it is worth every minute.

We Fall, So We Can Pick Ourselves Up

In the movie Batman Begins there is a great line where Alfred the butler tells a young Bruce Wayne that the purpose of falling is so "we can pick ourselves up."  I have been away from blogging for a while, and I admit that I feel guilt about it.  I honestly let myself make too many excuses.  As a result, I have come to realize that this blog (and the reflection associated with it) is important to me and my development.  My "falling" has led to "picking myself up" with a new and refreshed frame of myself.  Here is to a refreshed spirit, and new reflections.